A funny thing happened on the way to Facebook… we killed Myspace. I went there the other day and it was bleak. I mean, really bleak. The first thing I thought was, “Wow, this reminds me of Mesquite, TX (my hometown).” I even tweeted it, which isn’t shocking because I tweet everything.
Oh, you don’t know Mesquite, TX? Here are some highlights – Town East Mall, Mesquite Rodeo (the audience sums it up well), Galloway Street (where we used to cruise on Saturday’s) and, of course, Hooters on Restaurant Row (wait… what the fuck is happening here?!?!).
All of these things have something in common, I lived in them for a long period of time. Myspace started for me, actually, while living at Bea and Guav’s in Jersey. Ray basically forced me to join. Mesquite started for me around the second grade when we moved from Pleasant Grove (A grove less pleasant than Mesquite, by the by).
Since moving to San Francisco, I hadn’t been back to Mesquite in about 3 years. My parents moved when I came to SF, as did everyone else. When I did return it was different. Seriously, everyone had moved on (well, except a few people who were only there for a free place to stay, or because they worked at their parents house). Sure, the C Store was still was there, there was still construction on LBJ and Poteet was still elite and the pride of Mesquite, but, it wasn’t the same. Honestly, it won’t ever be the same again.
The same goes for Myspace. It still has the most music, the most whores and movie trailers, but, it’s missing something. Unlike Mesquite, though. there is a chance to rejuvenate the site.
Here are my 5 ways to fix Myspace.
5) Authorization – It’s time to finally weed out the pervs, or at least weed them down. The best thing Facebook did was make you put in a phone number. You’d think that eliminates 90% of the future rapists, right?
4) Myspace Adult – Everyone (dudes) liked Myspace because it was a basically a free hookup site. Take advantage of that. Allow nude photos and shit with age verification for a small cost. You’re telling me chicks wouldn’t post that shit? Basically, start a new Adult Friend Finder.
3) Eliminate html for dummies. Why does Twitter work so well? It’s quick, it’s easy and it’s nice. I can get on Twitter 10 times during a work day and spend less than 3 minutes total. Bosses like that. It makes me feel like I can be more productive. When you log into Myspace it takes 40 minutes to load all the damn glitter auto-comments.
2) Fix the app immediately. The Myspace iPhone app is shit. Complete shit. You can’t stay on it for more than 2 minutes before it crashes. Try viewing a photo? Forget it… crash.
1) Weekly videos of Tom and Tila banging. Who’s not watching that??
No comments:
Post a Comment